I know it has been a while since I have written. The schedule has required a significant amount of traveling and school has been keeping me on my toes. However, my education has also provided some amazing opportunities.
This week I got to play in a baseball game with several individuals who have disabilites. I was concerned that my PTSD was going to exclude me from being allowed to participate. However, I was welcomed with open arms. Open arms is a literal translation for many of the players. Several times during the game I was given a hug or patted on the shoulder.
Normally this would have been a cause for a quick exit. However, during this game I felt an incredible amount of support. I was still jumpy when an individual tried to touch me but they didn't avoid me because of this reaction. Everybody was supportive and encouraged me to come back.
This game helped me realize that I wasn't required to be perfect but just to participate in relationship. I often try to pursue perfection and PTSD takes that ability away from me. This desire to be perfect can often cause me to isolate myself from others. At other times others will choose to avoid contact with me. The game this week, which is a loose description, helped me realize that I can't and don't need to seek perfection to have relationships. It has also given me the courage to stop avoiding certain activities and expecting rejection. I look forward to the next baseball game.